Post by trid on Nov 17, 2008 22:21:37 GMT -5
A few years ago, my very dear friend was having awful headaches, and through the course of seeing doctors, etc. she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Then another. Then another.
The doctor had to do surgery to save her life. Miracle of miracles, she came through it doing wonderful. She still has one inoperable tumor, wrapped around her right carotid artery and optic nerve. She has a tiny droop of the right eye as a reminder.
The amazing thing, this friend, who also is a manager at my husband's place of employment, stood by my side every day during my husband's illness. She sat with him for hours when I had to be home with my boys. They talked and shared on a level I'll never understand. Her husband came to me and spent hours by my side, sharing experiences of the time he spent by her side during her surgery.
Did I mention when my DH had his anuerysm, it was in the right carotid artery at the level of the optic nerve? I know I mentioned she worked with my DH. Her DH and I work in the same field.
Having her husband to lean on and talk with during my 4 week ordeal was intense. He held me up, he cried and laughed, yelled and prayed. He was just there. They were just there.
Having someone who can listen, or share the silence is so important. I didn't have to explain things to them, they knew, they anticipated for me, they asked questions that never occured to me.
Support isn't always having something to do, it is often just having someone acknowledge YOU, as a person, not just as a part of the illness or injury that has happened to your loved one.
You have become a care giver, but don't forget that you are still the same person you were. You need to let that person out to blow off stress, and laugh, or scream, or eat ice cream.
I once told my mother, "I don't know how you can stand to be married to the same man for 50+ years." Her reply has stayed with me through the years:
"He isn't the same man I married 50 years ago. I am not the same woman I was then, either. We have lived and grown, together and differently. But, I wouldn't want to be married to the man he was 50 years ago. I like him much better know. And I like myself better, too."
That statement means so much when dealing with Traumatic Brain Injury. Your loved one is not the same person he was when you married him, but he can be better simply by being different! Keep loving, even through the hard times.
The doctor had to do surgery to save her life. Miracle of miracles, she came through it doing wonderful. She still has one inoperable tumor, wrapped around her right carotid artery and optic nerve. She has a tiny droop of the right eye as a reminder.
The amazing thing, this friend, who also is a manager at my husband's place of employment, stood by my side every day during my husband's illness. She sat with him for hours when I had to be home with my boys. They talked and shared on a level I'll never understand. Her husband came to me and spent hours by my side, sharing experiences of the time he spent by her side during her surgery.
Did I mention when my DH had his anuerysm, it was in the right carotid artery at the level of the optic nerve? I know I mentioned she worked with my DH. Her DH and I work in the same field.
Having her husband to lean on and talk with during my 4 week ordeal was intense. He held me up, he cried and laughed, yelled and prayed. He was just there. They were just there.
Having someone who can listen, or share the silence is so important. I didn't have to explain things to them, they knew, they anticipated for me, they asked questions that never occured to me.
Support isn't always having something to do, it is often just having someone acknowledge YOU, as a person, not just as a part of the illness or injury that has happened to your loved one.
You have become a care giver, but don't forget that you are still the same person you were. You need to let that person out to blow off stress, and laugh, or scream, or eat ice cream.
I once told my mother, "I don't know how you can stand to be married to the same man for 50+ years." Her reply has stayed with me through the years:
"He isn't the same man I married 50 years ago. I am not the same woman I was then, either. We have lived and grown, together and differently. But, I wouldn't want to be married to the man he was 50 years ago. I like him much better know. And I like myself better, too."
That statement means so much when dealing with Traumatic Brain Injury. Your loved one is not the same person he was when you married him, but he can be better simply by being different! Keep loving, even through the hard times.